


Never Thought (You'd Leave Me Lonely)

by QueenOfNewOrleans22



Series: Nothing Lasts Forever [1]
Category: Guns N' Roses
Genre: Angst, F/M, Friendship, Heartbreak, Hopeful Ending, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:40:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27694984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenOfNewOrleans22/pseuds/QueenOfNewOrleans22
Summary: Axl gets married to Erin, and Izzy is left heartbroken.
Relationships: Axl Rose/Erin Everly, Axl Rose/Izzy Stradlin
Series: Nothing Lasts Forever [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2026000
Comments: 6
Kudos: 14





	Never Thought (You'd Leave Me Lonely)

Erin looked so beautiful. 

It was no wonder, none at all, that Axl had fallen in love with her. 

The music was playing, a symphony that seemed to seep throughout the hallways and hang over the room. Anxious whispers were hushed, and the sound of cameras flashing replaced the murmured words of admiration and excitement over the events that were playing out. 

Light seeped in through the windows, painting the chapel in a pale gold. 

Axl stood up there next to the preacher, smiling, dressed in his best, watching as the women he'd proclaimed his his love to slowly walked toward him, each step like a miniature waltz. His hands were clasped against his stomach, eyes shining when the light hit them. 

"She's sure taking her time, isn't she?" Slash mumbled out of the corner of his mouth, nudging Duff below the ribs to catch his attention, leaning against him so that they wouldn't be heard. For the first time in awhile, both of them were sober, perhaps out of respect, but they didn't seem to be taking the wedding as seriously as they should've been. "Like a goddamn ballerina." He seemed to be smiling despite the teasing, lips twisted around his cigarette. 

Duff smirked. "You can say that again." He whispered. "Just run, girl. Nobody will judge you." 

As she passed them, still walking so slowly, so delicately, Erin turned, and gave them a look. Far from her usually peaceful demeanor, she glared at them, undeniably trying to get them to shut up so that she could have a fairytale wedding, and Slash bit back a laugh, burying his face against Duff's shoulder to suppress his cackles, as if that was the funniest thing he'd ever seen. 

The flowers were pink, white, pale blue, like a multicolored sky. 

Erin had been very insistent with the flowers, insisting that they had to perfect, because, otherwise, the whole wedding would be ruined. She had seemed so serious about such a small detail, but everything was perfect, wasn't it? A beautiful wedding, ripped straight from a fairytale, except half of the guests were already drunk, and the long sleeves hid track marks for those were were too curious. The seat that Steven should've been sitting in was now occupied by a man named Matt who wasn't fit for the job, and Izzy felt like he was going to throw up, but he swallowed and took a deep breathe, forcing himself to stand straight and still. 

As Erin walked up the stairs, she and Axl exchanged a smile. 

Izzy had to look down, his gaze lingering on the shine of his shoes, the dark wood of the floor. 

"Thank you, all, for coming on this wonderful day." The preacher said, smiling, probably thinking about the next five weddings he was going to have to do later that day. "It's always a beautiful day when two people decide to put aside their own differences, and join together in eternity." He opened up his bible, practiced after years and years of uniting people in their mutual love. 

It was the picture perfect wedding, after all. 

"Do you, William Axl Rose, take Erin Invicta Everly, as your lawfully wedded wife, to cherish and hold, through sickness and in health, through richer or poorer, from this day from now on?" 

"I do." 

"And do you, Erin Invicta Everly, take William Axl Rose, as your lawfully wedded husband, to cherish ad hold, through sickness and in health, through richer or poorer, from day from now on?" 

"I do." 

The preacher looked up. "May I have the rings?" 

A little boy was ushered foward, clutching a pillow in which two rings had been placed upon it, and he held it out, waiting for them to be grabbed before he hurried off back to his mom, beaming in pride of his job. 

' _Don't take the ring. Don't take her as your wife. Look at me, and smile, one more time.'_ Izzy thought. 

Axl took the ring, and he gently grasped onto Erin's delicate fingers, slipping it on, shining in the light. And Erin grabbed the other ring, and took Axl's hand in her own, and slipped it on, words that couldn't be said. 

' _Don't kiss her. For me. Don't let her near you.'_ Izzy felt like he was about to faint. 

The preacher looked so happy, he might as well have been the one getting married. "Mr. Rose, you may now kiss the bride." He said. 

And Axl leaned foward, one of his hands slowly raising to rest delicately on the side of Erin's face as their lips connected in a passionate kiss. It seemed as if they'd been waiting their entire lives for this one moment, joined together under watchful eyes, happy, eyes closed and wanting, deeply kissing as the world faded from view. 

That's how it always was with Axl - 'go big or go home', he always liked to say. 

Izzy felt unsteady, and he grabbed onto the church pew, not wanting to ruin the wedding by falling and making a scene. 

With smiles still planted firmly on their faces, Axl and Erin practically ran down the aisle, and they were the happy couple, weren't they? Dressed in white, Erin was the beautiful, lovely bride, and Axl was her multicolored husband, so fiery and intelligent. 

They loved each other. 

"Hey, man." Slash said. "Are you okay? You look paler than usual." He exchanged a worried glance with Duff, who was lingering behind him, hands on his hips, dressed in a loose blazer, having taken advantage of the lack of a dress code. 

Izzy nodded. ' _I feel like I'm dying.'_ He thought, but he never said. 

There were certain things that could never be spoken, could never come to life and crash and burn. Those were the things that people needed to keep to themselves, because they were a wreck waiting to happen. 

"Are you sure?" Duff asked for clarification. "We can't have you passing out as the cake's being served." He was smiling; it didn't reach his eyes. 

"Yeah." Izzy whispered, and then he turned, and hurried away, disappearing amongst the crowd, trying not to let his emotions get the better of him, not right then, in the spotlight. He tilted his head so that his face was obscured by his hair, and watched as the car that Axl and Erin were in drove away. 

Far, far away. 

Wasn't this supposed to be a happy day? Axl had found his true love, after all. 

But, despite that reassurance, Izzy couldn't force himself to believe it, and as he sat there at the table, watching the happy couple, he felt like his heart had begun to beat a million miles per hour. He couldn't eat, fearing that it would just come back up, so he slowly drank a glass of champagne and watched as Axl smiled so easily, kissed Erin, ran his hands through her long hair. 

Izzy needed to be happy for them, but all he could think about was how Axl had said that he wouldn't love anybody else, only Izzy. He had pushed Izzy against the wall and proclaimed his love and Izzy had been so happy that he'd nearly been unable to respond. 

"Hello, everybody." Axl was tapping his glass with his spoon, and everybody stopped what they were doing to look at him. Izzy did the same, and he clenched his fists, just to stop himself from saying or doing something that he would dearly regret. "I just wanted to thank you all for coming. It's been - jeez, it's been the best day of my life. Here, with my best friends, and my wife." 

As the words were spoken, Axl glanced and smiled at Erin lovingly. "I am so happy that this moment has finally come. From the minute I first saw Erin, I knew that I wanted her. She was like the sun in a room full of darkness, and she absolutely lit it up." 

Izzy bit down on his tongue, hard. 

"Up until then, I'd been...how would you say it?" He looked around, as if awaiting for someone else to fill in the blanks for him. "Just drifting around, with no purpose, with nobody by my side, until, of course, Erin came along and flipped my world upside down." 

Time seemed to slow down, and Izzy felt like the words came in slow motion. 

"I've never loved anybody quite like I love Erin." Axl continued. "I would do anything for her. She's like the wind beneath my wings. Erin keeps me going, and I guess that I just wanted to say thanks. Thank you, Duff and Slash, for being sober for once." 

Laughter, echo, hollow. 

"And thank you, Izzy, for being a good friend." 

Izzy dug his fingernails into the palms of his hands, hoping that the physical pain would distract him from the mental pain that felt like a stab to his heart. ' _A good friend. That's all you are. A good friend.'_ The words repeated, like a broken record.

A moment later, Axl sat back down, kissing Erin on the cheek, smiling around at the crowd, seemingly unaware of the chaos his words had just caused. 

Slowly, yet so, so quickly, Izzy pushed back his chair and stood up on shaky legs, turning around and walking toward the bathrooms. He couldn't breathe. Izzy couldn't force his lungs to take in air, and it made them burn painfully as he stumbled inside of the venue. 

There were too many people, and their faces were like that in a painting - blank, unfeeling, cold. 

Izzy stumbled into the bathrooms and locked the door behind him, but his hands were shaking and it took several tries before a tiny _click_ sounded, and Izzy fell back, trying to breathe, but his heart was hurting and those words were repeating in his head.

' _Thank you Izzy for being a good friend Thank you Izzy for being a good friend'_

Is that all he was? A friend? Were all those nights in bed, spent exploring each other in ways no friend really should, just nothing? Were all those kisses, all of those touches, nothing? 

Izzy didn't cry, and, on the rare occasions that he did such a thing, he loathed it, because it made him feel weak, and after so many years of looking after other people, feeling weak was an unknown emotion. But it was hurt so much, and before Izzy could even acknowledge that hurt, he was crying - sobbing, actually. 

The sobs seemed to come from deep within Izzy's soul, tearing from his throat like the last cries of a dying man. He fell to his knees, leaning down so he could rest his forehead against the floor. Izzy remembered how Axl had smiled so lovingly, had kissed him so softly, how they'd spent countless nights together in bed, but now, it meant nothing. Izzy has bared his soul, all for nothing. He had trusted Axl with everything, and now, it was becoming frighteningly clear how much of a mistake that was. 

Izzy knew that he should've seen it coming. 

When Erin had waltzed in, so happy, so beautiful, it was clear from the start that she would be a heartbreaker. Izzy had naturally assumed that Erin would break somebody's heart after maybe a few months of dating - Duff, Slash, Matt - but never could he have imagined that it would be his heart breaking. Axl didn't give a damn about him, after all. 

It'd all been a trick, a sleight of hand. 

Izzy had fallen headfirst, and Axl had remained on the ground. 

Since the beginning, Izzy had known that it would only be a matter of time before someone got their heart broken. But he hadn't imagined so soon, nor in such a way. 

Somebody was knocking the door, loudly, urgently. "Hello? Are you okay?" A man asked, raising his voice to be heard, sounding more than a little concerned. 

Izzy couldn't answer. 

Because he wasn't okay. 

Nonetheless, Izzy stumbled to his feet, wiping at his eyes, rubbing his nose on the coarse material of his jacket. He glanced at the mirror, and saw a pale, broken man, one that looked as if he'd gotten news of the impeding apocalypse, and all that Izzy knew was that his world might as well have just ended. 

Taking in a deep breathe, Izzy walked over and unlocked the door, slipping by and walking away as the man's questions faded behind him. He couldn't stay, not now, because it was all gone, and there was nothing left to pretend with. 

Izzy fumbled with his keys, dropped them, and then a managed to find the car key just as he reached the parking lot. He unlocked his car and got inside, forcing himself not to get upset all over again, because there was a long drive ahead. 

But Izzy couldn't find it within himself to drive all the way back home, so he instead found a small, dirty-looking hotel on the edges of the city, but it would be good enough for a nap. Izzy needed to disappear from the world, if only for a few hours.

The receptionist was old, and mostly deaf, which left Izzy to yell out his name and phone number. She was sweet though, and saw how red and puffy his eyes were the crying. " _Are you alright, dear?!"_ She screamed.

' _No.'_ Izzy thought. "Yes!" He yelled, grabbing the keys with a nod of thanks before quickly hurrying out the door, up the stairs, and into the tiny little room. It smelt strongly of mildew and bleach, with stains on the carpet and no drapes to cover the windows that looked over to an empty, moldy pool.

The bed was stiff and uncomfortable, but it was enough. 

Izzy buried his face in the pillow, tucked in a fetal position, hands wrapped around his stomach. He hurt, so badly. But it wasn't physical - and that was perhaps the worst feeling of all. ' _Why don't you love me, Axl?'_ Izzy thought. ' _Am I so fucking unlovable?'_

He wanted to do it, so badly - toss himself off the balcony, slit his wrists, hang himself - but then Izzy's mind became tormented by the rememberance of Duff, and Slash, and Steven, and what the hell would they do without him? And that was enough to make Izzy pause, because, really. 

Would his suicide do more harm than good? Maybe not to Axl, but to them? 

Duff wouldn't be able to handle the stress alone, and Slash would be heartbroken, and Steven would be so lost. 

The bathroom was fully stocked, Izzy knew. There was a razor in there, and even if there wasn't, he had a nice little pocket knife in one of his bags that would do the job well enough. All it took was a few steps and one decision. That's all it took. But Izzy wondered about his funeral - his father, his father, sisters and brothers. Duff. Slash. Steven. 

Izzy lay back down. 

No, they wouldn't take it well. All three of them looked up to Izzy like he was their older brother, and he couldn't leave them alone. He couldn't do that to them. 

Reaching over, Izzy grabbed the 'phone, and he dialed a number, suddenly so very calm. He pressed the 'phone against his ear, and patiently waited as it rang and rang and rang. 

"Hello?" Duff said, his voice high in pitch with concern. "Who is this?" 

The mere sound of his voice made a small smile twitch at the corners of Izzy's mouth. "It's Izzy. Listen, can - can you come over? I can't be alone right now. I'm at some old motel down the street." 

And the response was immediate. "Yeah! Holy shit, I was so worried, Iz, do you want me to grab Slash? Or do you want me to come alone?" 

"Grab Slash." Izzy looked down at his hands. "The more the merrier, huh?" 

Duff chuckled. "Yeah, yeah. We'll be right over. Just keep yourself occupied until then, okay? And then Slash can tell you all about how the cake sucked." 

In that moment, Izzy was content in his decision, and he allowed a small glimmer of hope to shine through. 

Maybe things weren't so bad, after all.

At least Izzy had some friends to help him survive the night. 


End file.
